To Cry or Not to Cry?

If your baby cries in her crib, and no one is there to see her, will she fall asleep?

I know, I know, the thought of a tiny, cute baby crying alone in her crib is such a sad thought.  Pick up that crying baby, Mama, or she will grow up to think that she can't rely on you for love and support.  Right?

Or.

Letting her cry helps her learn how to put herself to sleep, a very valuable skill that will mean you are helping your baby get what they truly need: enough sleep.

The truth is, my baby cries whether she is laying in her crib trying to go to sleep or if I am rocking her trying to get her to go to sleep.  And we're talking ear drum shattering crying.  I keep earplugs next to the rocker just for these occassions.  So if my baby cries for 10 minutes when she is alone in the crib, and 30 minutes when she is rocked back to sleep, am I still a terrible mom to let her cry by herself?  Oy.

At 6 months, Ivy still wakes up twice a night, sometimes as many as 3 times, and I still get up and nurse her back down.  Basically I choose between Chris, me and Ivy being awake for 30 mintues while he rocks her (screaming) back to sleep, and me nursing her (quietly sucking) for 10 minutes and her falling right back to sleep.  For the peace alone (and so that the neighbors don't fire-bomb our house), I nurse her back to sleep most nights. 

But the day is coming when that baby will just have to learn that the milk cart isn't coming by her crib at 3:30 a.m. every night.  No more big boob from heaven, nope, the milk shack is closing it's doors.  One day that'll happen, I'll get all hard core on her.  But for now, I indulge her, and me.  She's still so tiny and sweet and, as a friend reminded me recently, it's still the most tender moment of my day.  And, as I am constantly reminded by parents of teenagers, I try to remember to really enjoy this time.  All of a sudden, they say, your precious one is all grown up and she'll want you to drop her off a block away from school and won't let you hug her and smooch her neck and bite her toes.  So yeah, for now, here comes the milk cart.  Ding ding.

Comments

[Fatemeh]

M -

Our friends started trying to make the break when their daughter turned 7.5 months.

It took much heart-break, patience, and hand-wrenching, but she's glad she did it. She says it was an important thing to do for her marriage, and that she's more emotionally available to her daughter throughout the day because she's less exhausted.

Watching parents whom I greatly respect work out these decisions fascinates me, because it's clear that there's no single "right answer" -- it's a whole lot of trial and error, and I think if I were a parent, I'd be really resentful of all the holier-than-though pediatrician-cum-psychologist authors who say that you're basically going to screw up your kid unless you do EXACTLY as they tell you.

PS - it's really great to read your writing again.

[Mochamom]

When it's all over and they sleep by themselves you'll wish you had just one more "baby night"left.
As a mom of 3(11,9 and 3 years),I've come to savor even those trying times. It all goes by so so quickly .Babyhood is such a fleeting period,there will be a time (beleive it or not)when you will wish for just one more of those mommy and baby close nursing moments.Treasure the times like this,because she will soon no longer be a baby.