Invisible

When I was young, I would hate it if I felt invisible, like no one was noticing me, when no one gave me attention.  As I have gotten old and wise, I have realized that I don't really need to be boisterous and loud to get the attention I need; now I desire it from friends and family, not from strangers.  Bangalore has taught me that invisibility is a luxury.  Everywhere we go, we are stared at.  Men, women, children stare, and I'm not really sure why.  We surely are not the first Westerners to be seen in Bangalore, I know that for a certainty, however when we leave the sanctuary of the Oberoi Hotel (where at least half the faces look like mine), we can guarantee that we will not walk down the street, or be able to take pictures, or go to  he bank or a shop, without being stared at by every person we see.  It gets old really fast.

Not only does everyone stare, they will not acknowledge or smile at me.  I can say "Hi" or "Good Morning" or nod my head at them in a greeting, and nothing, not a waver of the stare, not a glimpse of the person behind the wall.  I hate it, I really have come to just hate it, not being able to go about my day without feeling like a circus freak.  And, according to ex-pats, this does not change and is really hard to get accustomed to.  We have found the friendliest people are those trying to sell us something, at the shops and at the market, and really, I'll take that, a smile and "Hi Maam" feels like home, even if they just want my money.  I'll buy that friendliness for $1.

I hear so many people say that Indians are the friendliest people on Earth.  Where are they?  When does this friendliness kick in?  I have started to walk with my eyes downcast, just to avoid the empty eye contact.  What I would give to be invisible, to stand on the side walk and look around at all the amazing sights without the constant watchful gaze of every citizen, to walk through the market without being yelled and pointed at.  I'm starting to understand more and more why people come to less integrated places of the US and never learn the language or leave the comfort of people like them.  It sucks to always be reminded that you are different.

Comments

[debbieann]

I think that is one of the hardest things, but there are a couple of solutions. When I am out walking I have somehow learned to not notice anybody staring. I don't look down, but I just look at cars or straight ahead, just tune everyone out. The other thing that works pretty well is going from my garage to the car to the place I am going and not walk anywhere.

We live near the Oberoi, if you are around, I'd be happy to meet up. My partner and I are from SF, have been here 6 months, and I think it gets easier and easier.

People are friendly! the way I see it the most is my driver asks people for directions and they stop whatever they are doing - like a phone conversation! - and give him directions happily, never grumpy about being interupted. And my Indian neighbors are very helpful, made food for me and answered all my questions.

[jen maiser]

Hi Molly -

I just read all your India postings in one sitting, and am loving that you are writing about this fascinating trip. Wow, what a different trip than just a typical touristy-vacationy thing. Did you take Ivy with you? I thought you mentioned you were going to.

I really admire that you're giving this a chance and approaching it with such an open mind.

Best wishes - can't wait to hear more.

[Kiran Chandra]

Hi, So, have you decided to live in Bangalore yet? I am an Indian American, who has just bought an apartment ( or, flat, as they call it) in Bangalore. It is interesting that I am going back for exactly the things that overwhelmed you- the noise, the commotion and people! I find the life in the US lonely and alienating. I would love to write to you and maybe we can explain and understand our two very different cultre's.