Expectations are always my downfall. I try to go into a situation with an open mind, I promise myself that I will listen and try to balance my opinions with those of others, I tell myself to expect nothing...but I often fail. This would be the case at our visit to The Cradle.
A little background. I first read about The Cradle in a blog written by an ex-pat woman living in Bangalore, who is expecting her baby sometime soonish. While we had many differences in our childbirth philosophies, it sounded like we were looking for many of the same things when it came to having a baby in India. I checked out The Cradle's website, and was impressed with their mission statement and seeming commitment to a different standard of care for mothers and babies than perhaps in other popular labor and delivery clinics. While I knew that I was not going to be able to duplicate my amazing experience birthing Ivy (bless you Michelle my doula and Hokmah my midwife and Homestyle Midwifery in general), I was hoping for something more "Western" than what I had been reading about on the internet (mostly personal stories of women in Bangalore). By Western I mean open to doing it differently than the current medical standard in India (shaved, enema, epidural, episiotomy, induction, pitocin, labor flat on your back, 60% c-section rate, etc...and here I must say that these things are all offered in American, and often used, however I was looking for a model of care where I could refuse all of the above and still be treated with respect by the medical staff).
The sight of The Cradle from the street filled us both with relief. A sanctuary of modern glass and steel, gently landscaped and complete with the usual army of security guards, we were both happy to see that the facility was as new and modern as we had read. The Cradle has been open only since January 2007, so it definitely still has that new car smell, sparkling halls, friendly, quiet staff, a cafe, a maternity/baby shop, 13 pristine luxury rooms (large, clean, room for dad, private, sanitized bathroom - with toilet paper, thank you), actually better than I have seen in the Bay Area, 4 luxury suites (take the luxury suite and add an extra whole room for dad, huge and amazing), an operating theater, and 2 delivery rooms, which The Cradle terms the LDR (labor-delivery-recovery) rooms. For any women coming from the US, this can be a bit confusing. To me, a room where I labor, deliver and recover, is the only room I expect to be in for the duration of my stay. At The Cradle, the LDR is the place you go to literally labor (active labor/transition, etc), delivery (baby comes out), recover (cord is cut, getting stitched up, baby gets checked by a pediatrician, baby gets cleaned up, etc) then out you go back to your luxury room. I was confused by this on their website, "Thanks to the LDR, the expectant mother is no longer required to be moved from one place to another and can experience an uninterrupted birth process by remaining in the LDR room for the duration of the mother's labor, delivery and recovery period." I guess it all depends on your definition of LDR.
I had made an appointment with a very highly regarded and prestigious OB at The Cradle, and after registering and waiting for 10 minutes (and paying 400 rupees - $10! - for 15 minutes of consultation time), Chris and I were led in to meet the doctor. And here is where expectations get hammered by reality. We started out by explaining our situation, I am 22 weeks pregnant, Chris's company wants him to move to Bangalore, we already have one duaghter, etc. and we are trying to decide if we should have the baby in Bangalore or at home in California. He instantly, dismissively and patronizingly in my opinion, assured us that there is no difference between there and the US, and in fact, The Cradle was better than anywhere in the US, and we should not worry and we should just do it there. The End. When I told him that my concern came from the many first hand stories I had heard from woman who had delivered in Bangalore with less than satisfactory results, he dismissed me as generalizing about something I knew nothing about, about not understanding that doctors are different, about listening to the wrong people, and on and on, and we should trust his 35 years experience, we just should, The End.
I think we probably spent another 10 minutes "discussing" my estimated due date (EDD) and his opinion about how I don't really know my EDD, how sonograms are incorrect at estimating due dates (my 20 week sonogram calculations estimate my due date around November 25) and that I should only go on his calculation based on the first day of my last period (making my EDD November 19), and that the sonogram technicians all do the scan so differently so they are not reliable. I expressed that I felt they were quite reliable, and that maybe where I lived they were just done differently, and when he defensively asked where I had it done (Answer: Stanford), he really had nothing to say. Am I crazy here? Am I too negative? Should I have accepted his professional opinion, no questions asked? Not if you've ever met me, just not my way. By the end of the conversation I was deflated and done, Chris took over the questioning, I had no more energy to try to discuss my thoughts and feelings on the birth of my child, because they were not considered important to that doctor. In the end, I could likely have the birth I wanted, basically to be left alone unless an emergency were to arise, but I would have absolutely no trust for the doctor and I know now that trust is possibly the most important factor for me in making my decision.
The Cradle would deliver my baby and the baby and I would be fine, and healthy and taken care of. There is no doubt in my mind that they are professional and accredited and capable. This place, and as a consequence Bangalore, is just not where I will have Boomin Newman #2. I need to have a relationship with the doctor where I experience mutual respect and trust, and I don't see overcoming those major obstacles at The Cradle.
All that said, I have heard nothing but recommendations for The Cradle, and one very pleased mom of a 2 month old, the facility is nicer than anything we have (that I have seen) in the US, so anyone considering it, should really take these things into consideration. There are also around 10 OBs to choose from, so I imagine that there are many options in terms of doctors, and the best neonatal (and post-natal) care available, possibly in all of India.
So I guess my decision has been made, no move to Bangalore until after the baby is born, and I'm relieved, I admit, to know my decision and even look forward it.
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